It’s been awhile since I’ve made any kind of post.  I figure that I’m overdue at this point.  Besides, I’ve got a lot on my mind these days, and I wanna get it all written down so that I can get it all off my mind, whether or not that actually makes any kind of sense.

So anyway, my usual Christmas-time depression decided to hold over a couple of months for some odd reason.  Christmas last year was actually fairly enjoyable, in that I was busy enough helping my folks get stuff ready, in between work, to go to Franklin to see my grandparents, that I just did not have the time to be depressed.  I guess that’s how it works.  If you keep yourself busy, you don’t leave yourself enough time to reflect on the bad stuff in your life, and so you feel happier, I guess.  But now that things are slowing down, my mind turns to the crap in my life.

Before I get to that, I do have some good news.

Let’s start with my job.

They promoted me.  I’m now a Team Lead for my district and an Information System Security Officer.  This comes with a lot of new responsibilities, outside of providing I.T. support.  It also comes with a pay raise.  A fat pay raise.   Because of that, my budget has increased significantly.  How significantly, I don’t yet know.  I will know at the end of April, when my car and bike insurance renew.  Then I can look at my budget through the end of the year and see exactly how much money I can spend and when.  I watch my money like a hawk, and I do my best to predict how much money I will have in the future, assuming that I keep this job.

But keeping this job looks to be a simple task.  They like me, for god knows what reason.  As proof of this, they awarded me with their Quarterly Excellence Award.  I have it hanging on my wall in the server room where I work.  It also came with a cash award, which is going right into my car.  She needs new tires, an oil change, new spark plugs, and one of those $100 car washes.  Badly.  Now I have the money to do it.  I just gotta do it.

Outside of work, there is some more news.

My gaming group has decided, by unanimous decision, to resurrect the massive D&D game that we had been working on for more than the past ten years.  It had gone through many different runs, in three different versions of D&D, has been the source of many an argument, the source of many a funny story, and is basically the bane of our existence.  Where do I start on this monstrosity? 

It started in the early 90′s, a friend of mine got an idea for a massive game that he wanted to run in D&D.  At the time, all he had was 2nd edition books.  It was not pretty.  He did not know how to run a game, and none of us had ever played.  We learned as we went along, and as was expected, it ended up being a train wreck.  We then got 3rd edition when it came out and started over.  This time we were able to better understand the rules, and the game lasted for much longer.  But this run fell apart as people began to get lives, and high school was ending for most of us.  It stagnated for a while.  It was picked up again when 3.5 edition came out.  And we ran it once more.  It was in this iteration that character’s were undergoing unwanted magically induced sex changes, and the universe was destroyed (in game).  There was too much conflict in the party and so the DM bitched us out and said that we’re starting over completely and everyone’s characters better get along this time.  Well we did that, for the most part.  The last run was going well.  We were flowing as a party.  But then the DM started to burn out on it, and was getting depressed about the shit in his life (which is a completely different story), and so the game was put away for what we thought was the last time.  This has been the basis of our D&D experience over more than a decade.

We figured that it was done and over with.  The DM got into a relationship (again, a completely different story) and seemed happy for awhile.  He didn’t need that game anymore, as he was getting something more… substantial.  Well that didn’t last very long.  That relationship is over and now he’s moved here with us and is picking up the monstrosity again.  Don’t get me wrong.  That game is the most important to all of us who have been involved in it.  It’s a huge undertaking and it takes all of us to make it work.  The new people in our group are beginning to understand why we’re dropping other games, even LARPs to hunker down and continue work on this game.  It’s that important.

This game has been a major part of our lives since high school.  It’s often been seen as the tie that binds us.  It is what brought us together as friends.  At first, we named our gaming group after it (it has since been changed).  It’s given us the experience we now have, and the competency with the rules of D&D to run our own games.  Bringing out the old notebooks and binders and dusting them off doesn’t just give a feeling of nostalgia.  We have a lot of history with this game.  It gives us a sense of accomplishment.  Even though we’ve never finished the game, it’s taught us all so much, not only about the game, but about ourselves.  It’s that important.

Anyway, back to the real world.

My sister decided to divorce that idiot of a husband she has.  She just couldn’t take him anymore.  I mean, he’s an idiot, seriously.  She’s now with a guy who works as a cook.  He often brings us food.  He’s brought head cheese and muffaletta’s for my dad.  He lent me his PS3 so I could play Metal Gear Solid 4.  He likes Star Wars and Star Trek, which my mom loves.  He’s won points with everyone in my family.  My mom says that if my sister and this guy don’t work out, we’re adopting him.  My neice is still going strong, raising hell wherever she goes.  She’s in school, in a special program for autistic children.  She’s got a teacher that knows exactly how to handle her and she listens to that teacher.  Hopefully this is going to do her some good.

My brother finally decided that his friends aren’t worth the trouble they put him through.  He told all of them where they could stick it, and moved to the northshore to be with the mother of his child.  They got married.  Did you read that right?  They got married.  Now he’s working for an animal shelter, while she is still working at a high school, and at the same time, getting her degree.  No one saw that one coming.  And we’re all proud of both of them.  My nephew is a terror, but what can you expect from a toddler, especially when my brother is the father?  And that boy is so smart.  We were all afraid that he would have some problems.  My sister-in-law is bipolar, and my brother had epilepsy when he was younger.  But my nephew, he’s smart as a tack.

So that’s the good news.

Let’s move on to the bad news.

To start things off, Sonny ran away.  He ran out the front door on Lundi Gras and we haven’t seen him since.  I was in Jackson, MS at the time.  My sister brought my niece over to spend the day with my mom.  What I think happened is that while the door was open, my niece spooked him and he bolted for the first open door he saw, the front door.  I put up fliers and ads and visited shelters.  No one’s seen him.  I keep thinking the worst, but more than likely he got picked up and is being fat and happy inside someone else’s home.  It’s been difficult for me.  I was attached to that cat.  He was there for me when I came home from work.  He slept on me at night.  He depended on me for food, and attention.  Now he’s not there anymore.  Every night I go to bed and expect to be jumped on.  But it never happens.  I really really miss him.  Since he’s gone away, my sister gave us back Princess.  She’s affectionate and fat and happy and all, but in all, a poor substitute for Sonny.  I’ve had the task of picking up his food bowl and litter pan and toys.  It’s heart-wrenching.  It really is.

Moving on…

Once again I’m reminded about how unattractive I must be.  I put up a new personal ad, because I figure it’s time for me to find a woman.  And so I wait and after a few days I get a couple of responses.  The responses were obscured advertisements for other personal ads sites.  It’s really bad when the only responses to a personal ad is advertisements for other personal ads sites.  I must be the most uninteresting and unattractive person in the world.  And it’s really very true.  My online characters are very successful, and I’ve learned not to divulge any information about the real me, because that’s burned me in the past.  They lose interest when the learn about the real me.  Sigh.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up.  I don’t think I want to attend.  I never really liked those people aside from two of them out of… I don’t remember how many were in my class.  I feel that I’ve accomplished plenty in these past ten years.  I’ve got a well paying government job with lots of responsibilities.  I’ve got two vehicles.  But really, it comes down to the fact that I really just don’t care about the people that were in my class.  I especially don’t care about my ex-girlfriend and her best friend who basically treated me like a tool.  When it comes to my high school class, I have very few fond memories.  I befriended the lowerclassmen.  Some of the ones who were in our circle of friends are the ones that I still talk to today.  I was really the only one in my class that were in that circle.  We were our own little clicke.  That’s where my fond memories are.  Not with the people in my class.  Many of the girls in my class were either stuck up, bitches, or simply uninteresting, and uninterested.  The guys… well… teenagers.  You know how that is.  I have no interest in meeting up with them again.  I got my diploma.  That’s all I care about from that school.  I just wish there was a way I could get them to stop asking me for money.

I spent some time with my friends last night.  I was talking to a friend about him perhaps getting his A+ certification.  He’s done all the studying for it, and can take the test and pass it at any time.  The problem is that he doesn’t have time.  He manages a self-storage facility, and works 60 hours a week.  I asked him if he could just get his dad, who actually owns the business, to cover for him for a couple hours.  His response?  “No way, I’m not letting anyone screw that place up.  It’s my business and I have to keep it going.”  And then he came to a realization: that was a responsible thing to say.  This depressed him.  We all got a kick from it.  But he does have a point.  I’m all grown up now.  I’m not in high school anymore.  I’m not in college anymore.  I’m in the real world, with a real 40 hours-a-week job, with real responsibilities that could have real reprecussions if I screw up.  I’m paying on two vehicles, out of my own money.  I’m paying utilities on my parent’s house to help them out.  I’ve got credit cards.  I’ve got credit.  I have bills that I’ve only ever seen my parents pay.  I’m having to make decisions that I used to only hear about from my folks.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!?  What happened to my youth?  I want it back!

It’s depressing.

But anyway… that’s all I got for now.